Positive or negative, I’m sure you can remember a few things that people have said to you over the course of the day. I vividly remember the first time Emily told me that she loved me, or her saying yes when I popped that “oh so infamous” question. It was an excited, “I can’t believe this is actually happening” kind of response. I can still hear the slight trickle of fear coming from her mouth when she came over to my house for the first time and asked,”Do you have a dog?”.  I remember her talking about her family and friends. I remember being told I was mean in High School, I also remember being told I was really nice. We remember encouragement and ridicule, love and hate. Writing down words is a way to capture them, to hold on to them, to throw a lasso around them and corral them into a more permanent storage location. What have you said today that is worth writing down? What have you told someone that they will remember for years to come? Will they adore you for it? Will they resent you for it?

I guess I haven’t discussed much of the title yet have I? Well it is pretty much all there. I’m very excited! I’ll be finishing RIT on February 29th. Then, God-willing, I’ll be starting a new career and moving into a new apartment. And June 9th… I’m getting married!! To Emily Masi, my beautiful bride. With a heart of gold and the mind of a life loving, God-fearing, romantic, endearing and encouraging free-spirit. AMAZING!!!

Oh, more words to remember, I saw a friend the other day that I hadn’t seen in a long time. When I knew him, I didn’t think he was much of a deep person. Ha gave me some advice that I definitely plan to put to use. He told me, “On your wedding day, take five minutes, pull Emily aside, step outside and really use that time for yourselves. Enjoy the fact that it’s your wedding day. Be with each other. You’ve worked hard for it.” even now I just want to take five minutes and look how far we’ve come and how close we are…. What a blissful place. Write some things down. You’ll be surprised what a pen and a piece of paper can remember.

I’ve learned that she’s got a great personality, fun-loving and joyful. She likes to joke around and she’s got this smile that makes me feel warm inside. She’s also a mischievous woman, stealing my car with her friends, shooting me (with a nerf gun), pushing me in the snow, pushing me in the pool, throwing leaves at me, eating food off my plate (oh wait that’s something I do to her), “playing” with my flash drives , putting ketchup in my mouth. I very thankful for the girl God has blessed me with. She looks out for me and cares for me so much!! When I am about to do something dangerous she reminds me that I should think about what I’m doing before I do it. Like standing on furniture with wheels, driving my car, drinking water from certain places, sliding on ice, using sharp instruments, lifting heavy things, running around in the dark, and climbing large rock formations out west. She does love me, and she loves me so well. She is also a woman of vocabulary. The number of words she knows is at least 2 times larger than the number of words I know. A deal shopper, She knows how to find deals. Which is great because I’m not the best shopper.

One of the things I love the most is how she encourages me. In so many areas she helps me to aspire to do my best and excel. And when I don’t she tells me that I can do better next time. When I don’t think i can she encourages me to try. She encourages me that God real and very faithful. She encourages me to have and build relationships with people. She shows me how to live confidently but also keeps my head from getting too big. And most of all, she tells me that she loves me.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY EMILY!! You’re my girl and you deserve the best. I LOVE YOU!!!

I thought the video was really cool too. I think it really captured the spirit if the song without being too cheesy. I feel like the song has a message somewhat relatable to our everyday lives. Sometimes we try to “upgrade” ourselves. Whether it be for ouselves or for someone we love, it doesn’t always create a better person of ourselves. It is good to be yourself and remember that God has a plan for your life. When you go to upgrade to version 2.0 you should look to him for your new upgrade. You need to know that your significant other/family/object of affection loves you (or should love you) for who you are. It also helps that I really enjoy techno-ish beats.

JTK

We’re still alive but we’re barely breathin’

We prayed to a God that we believe in

Cause we got some time and now some freedom

Cause while my heart beats no it won’t be leavin

On the best days my heart just might burst

I’m the kind of guy who’s gonna put her first

When I’m nice and close she’s no trouble sleepin’

Cause while my heart beats no it won’t be leavin’, leavin’ no

What am I supposed to do cause the best part of me is always you

What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up that you’re okay

I’m falling to pieces

I’m falling to pieces

We got this love and took to the train

I took your bag and had lots to gain

Now I’m trying to make sense of what little remains

Cause we stepped on board and now it’s aflame

We’re still alive but we’re barely breathin’

We prayed to a God that we believe in

Cause we got some time and now some freedom

Cause while my heart beats no it won’t be leavin

No it won’t leave, no it won’t be leavin, no

What am I supposed to do cause the best part of me is always you

What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up that you’re okay

I’m falling to pieces

I’m falling to pieces

I’m so glad you’re okay

I’m so glad you’re okay

THEIR LYRICS:

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in
Coz I got time while she got freedom
Coz when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first
While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping
Coz when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding
Coz she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don’t break even, even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I’m trying to make sense of what little remains
Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in
Coz I got time while she got freedom
Coz when a heart breaks, no it don’t break–
No it don’t break, no it don’t break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

On Saturday our parents finally met and hung out for a while. They came over after we packed all of Emily’s college things. It was so much fun. Our mothers talked about baking and their kids. And something I will probably never live down is that game of fooseball. My dad and I were playing against Emily and her dad. We lost!?! 10 – 5 I couldn’t believe it and neither could my dad. We’ll beat them next time. I know we will.

Memories of the Lilac Festival are also very important to me. Last year the festival was very pretty but the best part of this year was that Emily’s parents came along. It was so funny. Right at the end Emily’s dad bought a turkey leg. It is like a huge drumstick. It was so funny to watch them eat it. Emily could hardly get her cute little mouth around it to take a bite. There are pictures on facebook!! And we took the shuttle bus this year. That was lots of fun too! We rode in the very front of the bus on the way to the festival and in the very back on the way back to the car. Emily and I really enjoyed that!!! Oh and we can’t forget cleaning off the knife!

Another experience I’ve really enjoyed has been exploring instruments. I’m teaching myself how to play piano right now. I know that is kinda hard to forget but I just thought I’d include it.

The family road trip!! Hind sight is 20-20. I wish I had blogged more. I’d have to say that my favorite thing was probably seeing the petrified forest. It was so different than I expected. That cavern we walked through was pretty cool too! Both figuratively and literally. My family is amazing.

Trips up to the cabin. I’ve only been up there a couple times now, but everytime has been amazing. During one of Emily’s first trips up, before we owned our cabin, at uncle Craig’s I remember going on a canoe ride with Emily early in the morning. That was so precious. My dad got a great candid picture of us. I also remember those wonderfully terrible ping pong games with Gabe. Another fun thing I remember is sledding down onto the pond. That was a blast!! Emily, Gabe, Lydia and I had some toboggans and the pond was frozen over. AMAZING!! Again my dad, always with camera in hand posted a video on his youtube channel. You should check it out. http://www.youtube.com/user/SMKaction He has some pretty cool stuff up there.

Something amazing I’ve been getting to do is love Emily. I love her and I also love being her boyfriend. We live and we learn. Everyday I learn how to put words to things that were just second nature to us before. We are reading Cracking the Communication Code by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It is a great book. I read about things that I already do, which is awesome because now I have the words to explain them to people. And even better I’m reading about things I can do to improve the beautiful relationship Emily and I have. She loves me well and I hope I can do the same.

If I think of more I’ll be sure to post it!!

http://bethanydillon.wordpress.com/

http://katemcdonald.wordpress.com/

Emily had already filled me in on the details of what has been going on in Kate’s life. Emily told me that she had just gone through a divorce with a music artist I had really enjoyed. So with my sadness I approached her writings. And no, my sadness was not just because I had lost an artist. My sadness was mournful. I was sad that their marriage hadn’t worked. I was just blue.

But as I read I didn’t find a broken or mourning woman. I found someone who was free to let God be her lover. Someone who was free to live. I’m not advocating divorce by any means but what I found was not what I expected. Kate shared stories of being a single mother and stories of her sister Beth and Beth’s husband Shane. An incredible amount of joy and peace was flowing out of this woman who had been through so much.

God really does work things together for good. Everytime I think about what she wrote I can feel that well rising up inside of me. That joy disguised as sadness. The thankfulness disguised as watery eyes. I reflect on the beautiful friend and lover God has so graciously given me. The way her eyes glisten and glimmer when she looks at me. The strength we give each other when we are weak. Kate’s words poured through my soul and put a divine spotlight on something I rarely see. GOD WORKS ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR GOOD!!!

The second half of that verse is very vital. “For those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” Seeing a small glimpse into the life that Kate has lived I can see that verse is so true for her. I know it is for my life with Emily. It can be for you too!

Similarly a fear of God is not a fear that He could strike you with a lightning bolt anytime He wishes. A fear of God is realizing that He can do that if He wanted to, but respecting Him and His ways will allow us to understand that God won’t just decide to strike us with a lightning bolt. By respecting God and His authority we are enabled to carry out His will for our lives and we will be enabled by a healthy fear of His power.

Fearing disease and terminal illness is a very debilitating fear. Why do we worry about it so much? We need to live our lives unbarricaded. If we don’t know if we have an illness we shouldn’t fear having it. Fearing these things brings worry and un-needed stress into our lives. We can’t fear that these things will cause loss. If we put our trust in God’s will we can have faith that He will work all things together for good for those that love Him.

These things which cause so much fear often are rooted in a fear of loss. Loss of someone you love, of love’s very presence in your life, of ability, of mind. We can’t fear these things! For every second we spend thinking about the things we might lose, we could be spending that same second enjoying those same things. You see?!?! It can cause us to lose these things and all the time we could spend with them.

Don’t fear. GO BOLDLY!!!

Truly though, I do miss my Emily. Emily left me… for about a week to take a family vacation to florida!!! I had you for a second didn’t I? While she is getting a nice tan I’m here in good old brockport holding down the fort. It sounds like they’ve had a lot of fun down there. They’ve gone biking along the beach, gone swimming, eaten alligator (almost everybody), and even more things which I don’t remember. She really is a beautiful girl!! I love her so much!!

Something I don’t understand is self pity. Well, allow me to re-phrase that, I do understand self pity, it is so worthless though. What I don’t understand is people who pity themselves and then don’t let anyone in to help them out of their rut. Is it a fear of happiness, or a fear of responsibility? Pastor Mark spoke on this at church on sunday. His sermon title was, “Do You Want To Be Healed?”. “Well… duh!” might be the first reaction out of our mouths. Of course we think we want to be healed of sickness and infirmity. But what about the things we recieve because of our sickness. For those who self pity themselves and try to make others miserable they just don’t want to give up. “If I don’t lick my wounds who will?” Many think that they need to look out for number one, if they aren’thappy no one should be happy. To those on the outside it becomes confusing. You try to show them love but is that enabling their self pity? They are recieving all the love being given but not having to give any love in return. They haven’t accepted that responsibility. They need to release their internal wounds and accept healing and forgiveness. With the receving of healing they can move on with their lives. Responsibility is not a bad thing. It enables a person to go place and to do things God has willed for them to do. Shake’em up a little. Show them they can be healed, show them God has a plan, encourage them that their life has more meaning than the negative!!! IT IS SO!!!

Speaking of which, Emily reminded me today. I didn’t realize how time consuming facebook was until you have no homework. I probably check mine once a day now. I don’t want to chance even opening facebook on my computer at work. haha. Not even during lunch. I don’t know what kind of software they have on there.

Emily made the most scrumptious chicken for dinner today. It was sooo yummy. She also made elbow macaroni to go alone with it and I must say that I was full after that meal. I’m still full and I ate like 5 hours ago.

Every day I’m reminded of the love God has given me. Most days I feel it from people who I am close with (Emily =], my family, college guys) and other days I feel it from circumstances where I know God protected me. Bear with me, I just saw this really amusing picture in my head. So God is standing in his kitchen or pottery barn or where ever he keeps his fragile jars of clay. Our lives are fragile but resilient like clay jars. And God sees this one jar who has its back turned to God and God tries to grab it off the shelf. Because the jar has turned its back to God, He can’t grip it right and it slips out of his hand and begins to plummet to the concrete floor below. Of course, God catches the jar and chuckles to Himself as he dusts the jar off and places it back onto the shelf in a place where it can be seen and shown love.

I know that seems like a ridiculous story but I think if you play along a little bit you can begin to see my point. Sometimes we fall away or lose sight of God. But He won’t have any of that for He is a jealous God. He tries to grab us to show us some love. However because of our stubbornness we begin to plummet to a perilous situation in our lives, like car accidents or just any attack from the enemy to rob us of our well being. But then God catches us, saves us from the peril and shows us that we are loved and He wants to see us every now and then. I’m so thankful for the many times God has caught me just before I’ve hit the floor.

With this new job, a new season with Enily also arises. I’m finding that going to bed as late as it is now (11:28 PM) isn’t the wisest thing to do. There isn’t much to be done about sleeplessness though. Our time together has grown more deep. When we spent unbounded amounts of time together we lost the ability to speak deeply to each other. Now that our time has grown more precious I find that it becomes easier to speak on the heart of the matter. That way we don’t dance around the issue and we have more time afterwards to speak love and care to the other. It may seem simple, communication may seem simple, but until we learned how to communicate frustration arose quickly. I love talking to her about things we are going through. A book she got me recently was the 5 love languages. She knew me so well that she got me the short version of the book. haha. It is quite interesting and and quite clear that her love language is quality time. I’m so happy to share quality time with her. Yeasterday we took the most wonderful walk together. We weaved in and out of brockport campus. I did something that I wish I’d much more in past months. I brought my camera along. Capturing Emily in pictures is so much fun. She is such a great model… A beautiful model if I might add. She uploaded some of the pictures on her facebook. We may have doubles because I want to upload some too. lol. Just spending the time focusing on her, both literally and figuratively was so wonderful and awe-inspiring. I’m so thankful to God for that incredible woman.

Yes and the guy time. I spent time with a wise young man. Not that much younger than me but he isn’t old. haha. Anyway, we had the most deep theological conversation I’ve ever had with anyone. I was able to look at my beliefs in an entirely new perspective. I was able to ask myself questions about why I believe what I believe and where my faith really is. I wish I remebered where we left off but unfotunately I don’t. We discussed human nature, the Sovereignty of God, evil itself, so many things. Our heads were spinning after lunch. But It was amazing to see what God was able to show me. Years ago my heart and mind was so closed to the idea of not knowing everything. I look at how we were able to discuss the things of God and I realize that God has given me such a great ability to stand up and be sharpened by Iron. I think I even saw some sparks flying during our conversation. Not sparks of argument but the sparks of deep thought and challenging questions. Kent, I look forward to many more coversations of God. You sharpen my faith in a way no other man has. Thank you and I really do look forward to more.

There are so many things to talk about and ponder upon but I think that is all for tonight.

Then I read verse 16. Yeah it is another verse, not words of Jesus, but words of God through the prophet Isaiah, “The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.” Wow. That was it. Those words popped out of the paged and slapped me in the face. Not painfully but majestically. How poetic the second part of verse 16 is, “…on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.” When I read those words itjust took my breath away. I’d read that verse dozens of times (not because I’ve read the bible dozens of times, but because I’ve started reading the bible in Matthew, dozens of times) and not once did it seem so amazing. Scripture is so poetic and incredible…

I do miss Emily though. She started OSA today and it sounds like she is having fun. They played games all day today and got to know each other. She makes me so happy and I wish I was there to make her happy too.

Don’t forget to read the blog on what we’ve done.

www.kccrt.wordpress.com

I do miss Emily though. She started OSA today and it sounds like she is having fun. They played games all day today and got to know each other. She makes me so happy and I wish I was there to make her happy too.

Another feeling I’m exploring right now is the sense of adventure. Our family is headed out into the great unknown for two and a half weeks. It should be pretty interesting to see what happens. I can’t wait to explore the country with my family.

Something else that I’m going to be doing on this trip is, not shaving for as long as I can. We will see how long that lasts.

Driving Time Remaining 85:35

Emily, my wonderful girlfriend. Knowing what God has for us is so powerful and we are so ready to take it on. In these past two weeks we have grown a lot. We’ve come to realize the power that God truly holds in our relationship. By releasing our relationship completely and wholly to him we lose nothing and gain everything. It seems that the more we open our relationship to God the more He gives it back to us. Our God is awesome God and He reigns.

A lot actually happened on Saturday. Emily and I went to Amanda Elias’ track meet. She won the women’s 400 meter. Emily and I were so proud of her. So incredible. Afterwards we talked to her and congratulated her on her win. Amanda you did great! Of course I saw Kent there. Kent is quite an amazing person indeed. I love talking to him. I feel encouraged whenever I chat with him. He has a way of making you feel like the person God made you to be.

Saturday night was also quite incredible. The church’s friends, Pastor Larry and Carol Arrendas, came to be with us. That night they led an intercessory prayer meeting at the church. That was the most amazing prayer meeting I’ve been too. Except for the prayer meetings with music. We prayed over a new building and the youth in the church, college students and such. The second focus was something that Carol had on her heart for the church. She wanted to pray for all the singles. So they called them all up and then all the married couples went and surrounded them. Now neither Emily nor I went up there for one very specific reason. I’m dating Emily with the intention of marrying her. So we are not singles. After the service, someone came to me with a prophetic word over Emily and I. The word was quite discouraging but I know that God isn’t a God full of discouragement. Basically they told me that they believed God told them that I need to be careful not to “hold Emily back” from the things of God. I didn’t think I was but I was like I won’t that okay, I’m not. I went back over to Emily and she asked me what the person had told me. I told Emily I couldn’t tell her, at least not yet. After a while she gave up asking me because she knew I would tell her eventually but that did not mean tonight. We talked about a few other things, then as if prompted by God to say these exact words she said, “I had a great time with you today. If we hadn’t gotten to just sit there and listen to music, or let me rest my head in your shoulder, I think you would be holding me back.” Yes she said holding her back. God was telling me that I wasn’t holding her back and just that I should be careful. He was telling me that I’m not holding her back now. I love it when God reaffirms something in that way. It just shows that God is the God of the universe. I’m exhausted, I’ll recap sunday monday and tuesday ASAP. Later Everyone

Well Haggai and Zechariah both had some very interesting passages that touched me in numerous ways. In Haggai 2:11-14 the Lord spoke through the prophet Haggai and told the people that by mere association, the people can be defiled, though people cannot be consecrated through association alone. Consecration is a choice and is something that must be worked toward in a person’s heart. Basically guard your heart and pray hard for those you want to see brought into the kingdom.

Zechariah 1:15 I felt really tied in with the guy’s small group message last night. It says, “but I am very angry with the nations that feel secure.” Now for a little context. In the previous verse He says that He is jealous for Jerusalem and Zion. So God isn’t angry with His children who feel secure in Him. He was angry with the people who felt secure where they were, with or without God. You are probably saying to yourself, “You just said He wasn’t angry with His children who feel secure in Him.” Yes I did say that, but God is constantly on the move. A key point in life group was that the only constant in our lives is change itself. If we feel secure where we are then we are not allowing God to change us and move us. When we are secure in Him, we are moving with Him, not staying put spiritually.

Zechariah 3 was entirely incredible for me personally, see if you feel the same. In this chapter the prophet Zechariah is seeing a vision that the Lord has given Him. We see Joshua standing with an angel before the Lord. Joshua has come to the Lord in His filthy garments, all that he had. The Lord told the angels to reclothe him in clean garments. If we come to the Lord he will take away our “filthy garments” whatever they may be, and replace them with clean garments. Then in Zechariah 3:7 God makes a promise to Joshua, which I believe holds true for all His people, “If you walk in my ways and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among those standing here.” God is referring to the angels standing among Him.

Another verse that stuck out was Zechariah 6:12. In this verse the Lord has told Joshua his name is Branch, for he shall branch out from his place. I really feel that God has called me to reach out to others around me, specifically other Christian men who I link arms with and march in the army of the Lord.

Well so far today I went out to breakfast with Emily and Laurel and Sarah. That was fun. Emily got to meet Sarah, although they met unexpectedly on Saturday when Emily and I went to the mall.

As these past couple weeks have gone by I’ve begun to really understand the depths of prayer and how vital it is to a Christian’s walk with God. I always knew talking to God was important but I realize that whether you are in a large group or not, or the words come out jumbled, God knows where your heart is. He sees the desires of your heart and knows what you really feel, He knows where your loyalties lie. And most importantly, HE LOVES YOU. We are His children and His arms are open wide to us.

Later Everyone

After the book store we walked down to seaward’s candies. A locally owned candy shop. I bought her a piece of candy and then we were off. We went back to the dorms and then decided we should go ice skating. We played mancala a bit and then went for a quick couple laps around the ice. I do love ice skating with her. She even said exactly what I love about it, though it won’t last. She told me that she can’t just skate around and look at me because she has to focus on skating on the ice. When we go ice skating, that is the one time when I can actually just skate around holding her hand and just watch her innocently. She is so focused on the ice that I don’t think she knows how much I enjoy it. I know it isn’t going to last because she will get very good at ice skating. I know it. So I have to watch her while I can. So after ice skating I took her back to the dorms to let her prepare for our night out in Greece. I made reservations for us at Ruby Tuesdays. It was so good. I loved just sitting there at the table with her, only her. Both of us dressed up. Of course, she dressed to match me. That was actually the first time we’ve gone out to dinner in the 4.5 months we’ve been dating. Then we went to the mall and did a little bit of shopping. And by a little I mean a little. First we browsed Barnes and Nobles, we saw my friend Sarah, and then we walked through various clothes stores, while Emily had me try on clothes. She ended up buying me two shirts and I bought her some jewelry. Then on our ride home from Brockport we had our deep talk. I believe every time we get together at least for an hour we talk about the deep inner working of our souls and what frustrates us or fills us with joy. It was a wonderful Valentine’s day.

Later Everyone

P.S. please everyone, keep the families of the recent shootings and the plane crash in your prayers. God has placed us in this community to shine our lights, not douse them. Pray Hard.

I’ll continue this in a following entry. I’m leaving school.

Later Everyone

I am so excited, tomorrow is my last day of school before break. MCC actually gets the same break as the public schools in the area. That is SO cool because Gabe Lydia and I will have time to spend together all week. I can catch up on sleep and such. I’m so ready.

Later Everyone